Long time no write.

So after abandoning last year's resolutions, I resolved to abandon resolutions altogether this year. Just kidding. I'm getting married in 8 days. My dog is a year and 3 months old and a freaking handful, but completely worth every minute. And my list of home improvement projects has drastically decreased since the last time we talked. All in all we're doing well. Have a few irons in the fire, but what I really want fixed is my fashion sense. Again, just kidding. I'm not that superficial, although a few new layering tanks and a pair of straight-legged jeans wouldn't be the worst purchase I could make. Seriously though, I'm 29 and craving more than a daily grind. Stay tuned. I'm about to shake it up.

Sylvia 2009

Today isn't the best day to write about my recent feelings of renewed energy because today I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. But I'm hoping that writing down my resolutions in a public space will give me that "high on life" euphoria that I was just getting used to.

It's a new year, as everyone says. Time to start on everything you've been procrastinating on since you graduated college. I've stumbled to where I am now. Well, let's just say I haven't always stood steady. Perhaps this is due to my always hungry waistline and lack of abdominal muscles -- which seriously have been putting a lot of strain on my 27 year old lower back. Or maybe it's this office chair? Either way, if said abdominals were in shape, the chair wouldn't matter, right? Resolution #1: No more blaming inanimate objects. Also read: get ass to gym, no more excuses.

Resolutions #2 and #3 aren't fueled by nearly as much passion. I've been telling myself to get to the gym for years and it seems that 2009 is that last straw. But if my teeth are falling out of my head, what good is a smoking hot body? Worse, if I'm too dumb to realize that my health (including dental) is the most important thing to keep, then I shouldn't be allowed to have children, hypothetically speaking. Res. #2: Floss at least every other day, and Res. #3: Read for more time than you watch TV. Which doesn't mean to cut out TV entirely. I mean, seriously, who could live without their fix of a little Law and a little Order? And how would my cilantro pesto turn out if I didn't learn how to emulsify on my beloved Food Network? Reading, whether it be the newspaper, online news, or a good fictional mystery, keeps your brain sharp and your language skills in check. This I desperately need as I've noticed I've been stammering a little and even scrambling to find the correct words to finish my sentence. Maybe TV really does rot your brain.

So there they are, for all to see. I'll let you know how it's going.

Happy.

After struggling with my inner self for, well, ever, I feel all of a sudden at peace. Nothing is really too much to handle, except the occasional impromtu business meeting with the crazed incompetent client. I still get down on myself for not being motivated to hit the gym all that often or for eating that extra pie/tater tot/helping of mashed potatoes, but all in all, things are working out. I love my house, my friends, my fiance, and my job, sans aforementioned crazed customer. Maybe I'm getting old enough to truly understand the phrase "don't sweat the small stuff."

Not myself

Nothing is as it was a few months ago, not even my brain. I feel like I just opened my eyes and I'm under water and I don't know which way is up. In the last five months, I got a new job and moved into a new house. My comfort zone is no where to be found and I feel like i missed a step somewhere, even if there is no instruction manual on life in your twenties. If I don't wake up soon, I'll lose any control I have left. Maybe this is a good thing?

Wobbly Legs

Dave left for Brazil today. He's only gone for 1 and a half weeks. Later this summer, he'll be leaving for an entire month. I feel like his shorter initial trip is to get my feet wet while I struggle to remember what it is like to be on my own again. I don't have any standing dinner dates and there's no one to talk to about a hectic work day. It's just still. Quiet. I'm more reflective and less ballsy. My legs feel wobbly, like a child figuring out how to take his stride a little faster. But there's a definite depression looming. There's plenty to get done in the next 10 days and I'm hoping this keeps my mind numbingly busy so the emptiness doesn't set in.

By the way, painting is the slowest task ever. So much priming left to do. Luckily, I have some friends that are willing to paint for pizza and beer.

Done Deal

Escrow closed two weeks ago and we've finished demo. We have our new contractor Fernando and his crew scraping ceilings, patching holes and retexturizing walls. Floors are bought and they are en route, to be installed in two weeks. Next step: Painting. Choosing paint colors is sort of giving me a mini panic attack. What if I choose the wrong ones? What if they don't match? What if it looks really REALLY ugly? My perfectionism is aiding in my procrastination and it's an obstacle I'm ready to slap in the face. I'm going with red, dark grayish black, khaki, and white for trim. don't worry, nothing will actually be painted the dark grayish black ... well, except for the kitchen cabinets. I have a vision. There may also be a blue/green in the bedroom. But it's paint -- it can be edited at a later date, right? Watch for pictures. I should start documenting this process properly so I can look back and say, "I did that."

Personal Tipping Point

I literally can reach my hand out in front of me and just graze my dreams with my fingertips. I can't quite get a good grip to pull them closer to me; it's like waiting for my arms to grow longer. Maybe some more yoga? It all feels right. I can taste the plaster and new tile, I can picture leafy plants in corners, my favorite song drifting through the hall, the smiles of accomplishment on Dave's and my face. After building our bar, I feel as though the cocktails tasted better. Building our living space, maybe our lives will feel richer without actually making any more money. Is that bad that I'm practically saying that life sucks now? I don't mean this. It's been a long time coming. The sea of conversations we've swam in over our future together and this is the second biggest step (the first being the move to San Diego -- which I'd like to point out, happened almost two years ago). Marriage, while it's something to which I'm looking forward, can wait. Puppies can wait. Babies can wait. This house is my personal tipping point, where new things start happening. The end of the college afterlife and the beginning of grown up adult life.